I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
