Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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