if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
