i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
