Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
