Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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