You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
