I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just found puke in my bra..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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