it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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