Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
