if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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