Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
