I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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