Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
