I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
