Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ttyl tear gas
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
