Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
