The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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