dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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