afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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