apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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