who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
