I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
