i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
