i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
