The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
