i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
