Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
