dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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