If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
