God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
