Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
