i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
