Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
