I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
