I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
