Are we in a gay sports bar?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
