My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
