I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
