It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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