just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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