Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
