i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
