I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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