Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
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I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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