I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
