Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
