I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
