hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
