Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
