I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
