he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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