If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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