it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
