I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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