I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
