Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
