just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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