we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
