his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
