We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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