Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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