No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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