My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
