I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
